


Chats With Joker In Mementos

by Raaj



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Gen, Headcanon, Mementos (Persona 5), Persona 5 Spoilers, mementos skits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-26 22:27:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20397157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raaj/pseuds/Raaj
Summary: An anon on the P5 kinkmeme asked about Joker responding to people's favorites Mementos starters.  This is a collection of the ones I wrote!  Has 3-4 starters from each character and Joker answering them.  Written in prose form.





	Chats With Joker In Mementos

**Author's Note:**

> The anon's request was [here](https://personakinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/1598.html?thread=1284670) and they linked to a great collection of Mementos starters and answers as a resource! I encourage anyone who wants to take a crack at it to answer the anon too. I found it a fun exercise!

**[With Skull]**

The darkness and stillness of Mementos was disconcerting, especially back when it was just the four of them--and only three of them actually in the car, since the fourth was currently _being_ the car. Ryuji riding shotgun bounced his knee a few times before thinking of something that would cheer things right up. He straightened up, caught the corner of Ren's eye to get at least some of the guy's attention even if most of it stayed on driving, and then opened his mouth to sing: "I've been working on the railroad, all the livelong day--"

Ren started to smirk and easily joined in...but instead of singing normally, he pitched his voice as low as it could go, trying to match the depths--and theatricalness--that he heard in Arsene's. "I've been working on the railroad, just to pass the time away--"

"Joker!" Ryuji indignantly cuffed him on the shoulder, bringing the Monavan to a stop as Joker braked so he could laugh. Ann was giggling in the backseat. "Don't make 'Working on the Railroad' sound demonic, man!"

* * *

"I gotta pair up for classroom duties soon. Ugh, what a pain."

Ren made a small sound of sympathy. "My partner and I got everything done without saying more than five words to each other." Was that an accomplishment, or just a sad statement on how unfriendly others were once you had a bad reputation? Either way, he could understand why Ryuji wasn't looking forward to it.

* * *

"Wonder if there's a Shadow the size of a giant squid," Ryuji mused. He flung his hands apart to indicate a large size--never mind that the span of his arms was nowhere near the length of a giant squid, or that Yusuke muttered about him invading his space.

Still focused on the tracks, Ren answered, "If we could find a way to measure the Reaper..." That had to be the closest thing in size, right?

Ryuji dropped his hands very quickly.

**[With Mona]**

"Blech, I'm covered in dust..." The Monavan rattled as though Morgana was trying to shake it off, but he didn't have that much control over his own actions as a car--and he had passengers to be conscientious of, too. "I request a thorough brushing!"

Ren sighed. He already knew he'd be the one doing the brushing. "Can't you wash in the sink at Leblanc? You already use the toilet."

He wondered at the looks of surprise the other thieves made, even as Morgana sputtered that _of course_ he used the toilet, what else would a human use?! Hadn't they noticed the lack of a litterbox in the attic?

(Unfortunately, Morgana did have a good point when he brought up all the hairs he would leave behind in the sink and how mad Sojiro would be. Ren guessed he was stuck on brushing duty for the foreseeable future.)

* * *

"Why are there so many different drinks in those vending machines?"

"It must be a Tokyo thing. There's a lot more variety than in the machines back in my hometown," Ren told Morgana. "It makes me want to try them all."

* * *

Morgana's engine quieted as he slowed down on the tracks. The hush allowed the Phantom Thieves inside him to catch a thin sound echoing through the tunnels. It was almost like a human voice. "Sometimes, when you're in Mementos…" Morgana murmured solemnly, "You can hear someone crying somewhere…"

Ren gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. "Mona," he said. "You're used to this, but _ghost stories_ are too much?"

* * *

"I ate an onion and didn't even get sick, so I'm definitely not a cat," Morgana boasted.

Ren patted the dashboard. "You sure showed me. You get onion breath like a human, too." When they shared a bed...he definitely remembered the night of Morgana's onion test, but not for any good reasons.

**[With Panther]**

"Persona, huh...? I wonder if I'm using mine right."

Ren looked over at Ann, who was sitting next to Makoto in the front row. She was tracing the side of her feline mask with her finger, seeming genuinely lost in thought. Reflection could be a good thing, but doubt was not, and he leaned forward.

"Between her flame and her dance, Carmen is a sight to behold."

He'd meant to reassure her, but perhaps he'd overdone it with how red Ann's cheeks turned.

* * *

Ann sighed. "I know it's obvious, but this place is really barren…"

Ren peered out the front windshield at Mementos. Yep. Barren as usual. "Empty, like the souls of humanity--" Ann and Ryuji both gave him a look. "I'm joking, guys. I'm not _that_ cynical," he added quickly. Not yet anyway.

* * *

"You know, lately it's felt like someone's been staring at me in class."

Ren jolted. "Sorry," he said. "I must have zoned out during lectures." He sat right behind her, so it had to be him, right?

* * *

"This is a bit tight in the chest… Did they get bigger again…?"

Ren hunched over the steering wheel. _Don't look, don't look, you'll crash Mona, don't look._ "Panther?" He hoped his voice was coming out even. "You said that out loud."

**[With Fox]**

"I should start a hobby, broaden my horizons," Yusuke mused. "Cycling...or perhaps a marathon...?"

"You'll--you'll eat before you do any marathons, right?" Ren asked. The thought of the artist trying to run long-distance fueled by nothing but bean sprouts was deeply worrying.

* * *

"Would you like to go to the supermarket with me sometime? They have a great sample kiosk!"

"The supermarket, then some smaller shops? I'd like to see how you haggle with the shopkeepers," Ren said. Budgeting for all the Phantom Thieves' supplies was tricky, and he'd take any tip he could get.

* * *

"You've said to keep a low profile at school, but nobody talks to me in the first place."

Ren glanced over at Yusuke. The artist was rather aloof, but if he was bringing it up...he was feeling lonely, wasn't he? "Have you talked with Hifumi?" he asked. "She practically makes an art form out of shogi." They could probably get along.

Granted, if they...both got into their own form of dramatics, it'd work against keeping a low profile. But Yusuke could usually restrain himself in public. Usually.

**[With Queen]**

"Ah... I may be slightly afraid of the dark."

The wince in Makoto's voice had Ren shaking his head before he reached one arm over the back of the seat. "You can always hold my hand again."

Queen's steel was back in a flash, judging from the brief glare she gave him.

* * *

"What do Shadows normally eat?" Makoto wondered aloud.

"They've given us food sometimes in negotiations," Ren said, and started rummaging through his bag to find the foods he knew were from them. "Devil's fruit, this gravy--smells rancid, though--these odd morsels..." He trailed off for a few seconds. "...Not exactly things you'd want to eat. Are these only good for us because the shadows think they're good?"

* * *

"Sometimes I get the strange urge to clean when I visit a friend's room."

"Somehow I'm not surprised," Ren said. It seemed like a strange thing to announce out of the blue, but it fit perfectly with what he knew of Makoto so far. "Please feel free to clean the attic anytime." In the war against dust bunnies, he was losing ground day by day. 'Becky' could only do so much. ...More like he could only pay her so much.

**[With Oracle]**

"Blegh..." Futaba sank further into her seat. "I need something strong to drink. My mind's all fuzzy."

Ah. Ren was prepared for this, reaching into his supplies for the thermoses. "One coffee, order up." No teammate running on empty on his watch.

* * *

"I wish I could turn into a car like Mona does," Futaba said.

Ren hummed. "I'd rather turn into a motorcycle like Queen's Persona... Mona's a tight squeeze in some Palaces as a car." Mona's size was nice for carrying everyone, but speed and handling were important too.

* * *

"Oh, this reminds me!" Futaba shouted suddenly as Morgana turned a curve. "The other day, on the internet, there was— Hahaha!"

Ren blinked as the girl doubled over in giggles. "There was...?" he prompted, but she was laughing too hard to even pay attention. He had no idea what was so amusing, but just seeing Futaba so happy had his lips tugging up in a smile. She still worked on her own track, but she'd come a long way since she'd been shut-up in her room. A chuckle of his own escaped. "...Hehehe."

**[With Noir]**

"School is always full of rumors," Haru said, fiddling with her musketeer hat on her lap.

Ren found himself clenching his jaw and tried to relax. "...Yeah," he said. She wasn't talking about the rumors about him--she probably meant the rumors right now, the ones about her father and his company. "It can be pretty rough. You holding up okay?"

She nodded, the brown curls of her hair bouncing with the motion. The small smile she gave him made him so, so glad he hadn't made that topic of conversation about himself.

* * *

"Why is it that I get a shiver of excitement whenever the Shadows plead for their lives?"

Ren grinned as he turned to Haru. "Thrilling, isn't it? That's when you know you'll get the most out of them." That last hold-up had gone _perfectly_.

("Queen, can you stop Joker and Noir from encouraging each other? They're getting a little scary."

"There's no use pretending I have any control over those two...")

* * *

"Our thief suits have such individuality," Haru exclaimed. "Fox's mask is cute!"

"...Cute?" Ren echoed. He tapped his domino mask. It was a simple white rimmed with black. He liked the sleek look of his rebellious outfit overall, but now he wondered, in a quiet murmur: "Would my outfit look better...with something 'cute'?"

**[With Crow]**

"I wish I could have thief clothes like Joker's."

"I don't mind switching clothes, but keep your mask. I'd poke someone's eye out with that thing," Ren said, looking doubtfully at the long, red point of Akechi's mask. And everyone always seemed to want to hang around his shoulder when he was checking out treasure chests... that mask was a disaster waiting to happen.

* * *

"I never would have expected to experience something like this. I'm glad to have joined you."

That was probably another lie, but Ren was willing to bite. "We could always extend your membership," he offered, leaning forward against Akechi's seat. "If you want to alter the deal."

The detective gave him a thin smile and no other response, a clear enough refusal. Well, it'd been worth a shot.

* * *

They were still getting their breaths back from the last fight, Morgana slowly building up to his usual speed, when Akechi spoke up. "It's interesting to see you fight as the Phantom Thieves," he said calmly, looking the least ruffled from the battle. "Joker's leadership is on full display."

"I have a good team," Ren answered. The success of the Phantom Thieves didn't hinge on any one person. Crow would see that soon enough.


End file.
